Why Regrets Keep Us Stuck: Breaking the Chains of the Past.

‘If I knew then what I know now…’

We’ve all thought about it. We’ve all imagined a different life. What if I went to a different college? What if I made changes and didn’t have my sons? What if I didn’t go on that blind date? Is it worth reflecting and dreaming like that? Some people go as far as believing their life sucks because they didn’t make the right decisions. But guess what?

“FAULTY THINKING ALERT!!! You can never, ever know the truth about what would or would not have happened. You don’t want to be a victim of your own thinking.”— James Mapes

I’ve imagined a different life; however, then I think about everything my good and bad “mistakes” have brought me. What if I went to a different college? I wouldn’t have met my eldest son’s father. What if I made changes and didn’t have all 3 of my awesome sons? I’d be lacking so much love and joy in my life. What if I didn’t go on that blind date? I’d be missing out on an amazing man in my life. What if, what if, what if?!?! WHO CARES!!! I am who I am and I’m happy with who I am in the here and now. That’s what matters.

YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE PAST!

Living in the moment. Being happy in the moment and looking forward to all that can be instead of dwelling on the should've, would've, could've of the past. Think about it. What does dwelling in the past do? It brings you down. It makes your accomplishments feel invalid. It drains your energy and can even create lasting stress. Why live like that? Why focus so much on that that you can’t embrace the present or look forward to the future?

CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK! HOW, YOU ASK?

Here are some tools to use to help you get out of the grip of regrets:

• Acknowledge the regret(s) - let yourself be sad or angry or whatever negativ ity you associate with BUT make sure you give yourself a time limit. Have a plan to release yourself from regrets once the time is up.

• Learn from the past - instead of focusing on the shoulda, woulda, couldas of the situation, find the positives that stemmed from the path you took. Realize that while this may not be how you envisioned your life, it’s not too late to forge ahead and make it how you’d like it.

• Interrupt yourself - when regrets creep into your head stop them. Don’t let them take over your thoughts. Put them back where they belong - in the past.

• Be grateful - for the path that got you to where you are today. What good things in your life have come out from the past?

• Forgive your younger self - realize you made the best decisions at that point in time.

“Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can’t build on it — it’s only good for wallowing in.” — Katherine Mansfield

It’s ok to reflect on the past. The past helped shape you. But it doesn’t get to decide who you become next:

Use it as a stepping stone to appreciate what you learned from each experience. And if you’re not exactly where you want to be, use those stepping stones to break free from the past and leap into the future.

You don’t have to become someone new to change your life — just someone more fully yourself. Keep creating your ripple.

 ~Chippy